Variety

talking about today would be almost identical to talking about yesterday, the notable difference being that i spent some of my time after dinner/buffy talking to my friends pappy, way and exal on skype. that was nice. i've been feeling distant from the youtube community and thought it would be good to spend some time reconnecting. also talked to my sister julie and traded links back and forth for a good hour or so. always good times. my new class started today, and it looks like it may be a bit more interesting than the last one, which feels like so long ago even though it's been less than a month since that one ended. only a few more to go.

starting this new video schedule has me nervous. trying to write more music also has me nervous. i dunno why, it's good for me... i guess i have some fear of rejection. apparently not enough to where i would start doing things with the express purpose of pleasing people in mind or anything like that, but fear of rejection none the less. my subscriber base is small, and my average view count is half of my subscriber count, which renders the subscription number fairly moot. but that's quite typical. at this point, i'd like to be getting views in the triple-digits at least, but that's seeming to be more difficult for the past few videos. it hasn't been long but really, it shouldn't take that long. i'm bad at promotion.

so how do you do it without selling out? without becoming a pandering shill? how do you network without feeling and coming off like a fraud without a genuine bone in your body? i don't know the answer, and i'm sure there are a large number of corporations that wish they did. i guess i'll just keep plugging away and asking friends and hoping they listen and do, but that hasn't worked out so well in the past. i'm a terrible optimist. i need to do something about that. i'm determined to both finish a video and write a song tomorrow. let's see how far that determination takes me.