I Lost The Game

the ironic thing about this post is that i had planned to make an introspective, deep, meaningful post about nostalgia and reminisce about some things of yore. then my car had to go and ruin it all. let me explain.

for the past few days, i've been going through hell trying to get my car registration taken care of so i can leave the state, which i am doing on monday, march 1st. the first snag was the fact that i paid almost an entire month late, due to a mix-up between paying the dmv for one thing when i thought i had paid for another [christin's license vs. my registration] so i ended up paying a late fee. i mailed in the check for registration on wednesday, which was good on one hand because i avoided a bigger late fee and bad on the other hand because i may have been able to save myself a headache if i had just gone into the dmv the next day instead.

yesterday, as i mentioned in the previous blog which i won't link because dude... it's right below this one and you can't possibly be that lazy. okay, yes you can. here you go. anyway, as i mention there, i didn't get to smog my car because the check engine light was on. the guy cleared the code and sent me home, basically hoping it was a false alarm and i set up an appointment for monday. it wasn't a false alarm. today, my sister's boyfriend adrian took a look under the hood, and we discovered a crack in the intake boot which was most likely the culprit.

we looked for a legitimate solution, but ultimately settled on a quick duct tape macgyver status solution — which worked quite well, all things considered. in order to have the car ready for the smog check tomorrow, i had to take it out to drive for about 30 miles or so to make sure the car's engine computer had sufficient time to reset and diagnose any potential problems. i grabbed my zi8, hopped in my car and blasted some explosions in the sky. it was looking to be an enjoyable evening of relaxation, driving and possibly some artsy video material. and it was.

until i got off the freeway coming home.

as i exit the 78, vehicle stopped at the crest of the hilled off-ramp, waiting patiently at the red light with a big smile of success on my face, i think: 'i made it! 30 miles, no problems.' green light — it's my turn to go. i shift into first gear and hit the gas. KAHWHIIIIR! the engine surges as my mazda protegé heads into the intersection's left turn and my brain heads into a bout of insanity the likes of which have seldom been known by mortal man.

five minutes later, my throat was literally hoarse from screaming.

very few things frustrate me more than car troubles, especially with this particular car. at this point, i'm thoroughly convinced that if you looked up the term 'lemon' ['Lemon_(automobile)' for you wikipedia folk out there] in the dictionary, you would see a picture of my car on it. i'm not going into any detail here, but seriously, just ask my wife. the worst part about this whole thing is that it's not even legitimate car troubles, minus the intake which will be properly replaced as soon as possible, because every problem i'm having is a smog problem which is completely and utterly irrelevant in the state to which i am moving.

so tomorrow morning, i'm going to call the lovely dmv and plead my case. hopefully, i can find a solution to my problem that doesn't involve:

1. heavy artillery — because i can't afford that.
2. a lot of time — because i don't have that.
3. excessive fees — because i'd rather spend the money on the guns.
4. going to the mall — no comment.
5. ritual suicide — though i prefer that to the mall.

if you don't get that last joke, you're not my friend. you may think you are, but you're not. okay, maybe you are, but you're very deprived! if you don't get that i'm joking about purchasing and using firearms, you must be new around here. i'm not a very good shot, and i can't afford shooting practice either. if you don't get the title of this post, i'm very sorry, because you were winning the game until you realized that you didn't get the title of this post. i'd tell you to google it, but you're probably better off not knowing. if you did google it, i'm sorry for ruining your life.

the sermon went well. it should be posted in the next couple of weeks. no website work today, because failboat dot com decided to not send me the photographs i need again. so much for professionalism and deadlines. perhaps i shall make my nostalgic post later.